i take about 3 baths a year. bathing relaxes me very much; which is not useful in the morning when trying to get ready for work. and let’s face it, no one under the age of 50 40 35 28 wants to look down at themselves in a bathtub. [that’s why someone invented bubble bath for hell’s sake]. but, after spending most of yesterday and part of this morning cleaning off the patio, raking and picking up 2 months worth of dog pooh, constructing a stairway [of sorts] for my giant cat** and doing laundry ~ this afternoon i was old beyond my years and my back was killing me.
my brother in law gave me this for Christmas:
so i decided today would be the perfect time to try it out. [it’s all raining and dark and dreary and i figured that if i didn’t turn on the lights in the bathroom i wouldn’t accidentally look down and see myself] …
i started drawing a bath, lit some really good incense [the kind you purchase in a head shop, not that cheap-ass stuff that smells like your house is on fire!] and prepared to be relaxed. i was determined that i was going to soak in that hot mineral bath until my toes got at least a little bit pruny!
the instructions said to “use a generous handful after you enter the warm bath” which i did and it immediately smelled like dirt. at this point i am thinking to myself [and knowing that the butlers are not above giving prank gifts for Christmas] i bet this is joke and this stuff is going to turn me green or something…. well it didn’t, i added a little more and i relaxed “as the essential oils remarkably soothe your [my] tired old ass”… i would highly recommend this stuff. i feel great now! thanks randy!!
**there is no way james can jump high enough, given his girth, to get on the bed and he keeps falling off the chair that he used to use to get up there and i was afraid he was going to break something or cause a tsunami so i fashioned this for him [i have a similar one for myself on the other side]:
and here he is:
sorry jeff, i’m too pooped to lift him on the scales to see how much he weighs right now [i will update the diet progress report later]…
~about a half hour later~ this is an undoctored photograph [that’s what they used to call them before photoshop…] james and nikita [for comparison’s sake] nikita is a slightly petite, but relatively normal sized, but miserable house cat. james on the other hand…
damn! now i can’t remember what i went back in the bedroom for!
and here he is [the out take]: